December 10, 2011, Beirut, Lebanon. Associated Press. For immediate release.
Two thousand four hundred Palestinians announced this morning that they have accepted the invitation of America’s Republican Presidential candidate, Newt Gingrich, and will be relocating to his home town in Georgia.
“We appreciate the insight and wisdom Mr. Gingrich has demonstrated with respect to our situation, and the sensitivity he has shown has inspired us to travel to the United States as soon as the State Department approves our visas,” a spokesman said.
Gingrich, in remarks broadcast over the Jewish Channel in the United States, said that Palestinians are “an invented people” who “could have chosen to live elsewhere.”
“We now realize that we have been looking at the entire situation incorrectly,” the Palestinian spokesman said. “We thought that since we rebelled against the Ottoman empire and established our statehood in 1834, we were entitled to recognition, but now we see the error of our ways. We are grateful to Mr. Gingrich, the Ph.D. historian, for enlightening us.”
For his part, Gingrich didn’t seem overly pleased. “Georgia is pretty well settled,” he said. “They should try California. Plenty of land out there.”
The spokesman for the Palestinian re-settlers, who asked not to be identified by name, said that his group would decline the suggestion. “We have heard that California was a dumping ground for Vietnamese refugees from one of America’s wars,” he said. “All t hey have out there are something called 7-11s.”
Gingrich, who is campaigning in Iowa in advance of that state’s primary, expressed surprise at what he termed the “knowledgeability” of the wound-be immigrants, but reiterated his idea about California. “If they stay away from Los Angeles, where there are a lot of Jews, they should be okay,” he said. “If California doesn’t work out, they can try Texas.”
The comments drew a sharp retort from fellow candidate, Rick Perry, the Texas governor. “That’s typical of the former Speaker,” he said, “inviting people into someone else’s house. There are forty-four other states he could have picked, but he picks on us. By the way, did I tell you about the Texas miracle?”