Forget the birther stuff. The real scandal yet to be discovered about the President is: he’s white.

How else can we explain the man’s policies?

Would a black man escalate the phony ‘war on drugs’ which imprisons blacks by a factor more than 400% greater than their drug use when compared to whites?

Would a black man order the bombings of people of color around the world and disregard persistent ‘accidents’ which murder noncombatants?

Would a black man force the continued incarceration in Guantanamo and elsewhere of people he knows to be innocent?

Even some Republicans think there’s something wrong here. Rick Santorum, once-deceased former Pennsylvania Senator and newly anointed G.O.P. front-runner, said on a Christian TV station that “I find it remarkable for a black man to say ‘now we are going to decide who are people and who are not people.’”

In the words of Steve Jobs, “Oh, wow.”

Santorum, sadly, as is his habit, missed the obvious: Obama’s not black. Only a white person would decide who’s a person and who’s not. Look at the Supreme Court. According to them, corporations are people. Would a black person think that way? Of course not. It takes a special kind of stupidity, one quite rare among blacks.

Maybe it’s time to face the truth about all of this. Most politically well-known people supposed to be black are actually white. If they name an oil tanker after you, you are white. If you are nominated to the Supreme Court by a Republican President, you are white.

The people who own oil tankers and Presidents do not like black people. They know that black people can see through them. If Barack Obama were really black, do you suppose that Goldman Sachs would have handed him more than a million dollars in campaign contributions –– the largest ever –– in 2008? Don’t be ridiculous.

That’s likely the secret Obama’s been keeping. He’s done a masterful job covering it up, even hanging out with that incendiary preacher, but truth will out. Ever see his college records? No, you haven’t. Want to know why? Obviously, they say he’s ‘caucasian.’

Once the truth about his race emerges, the ballgame’s gonna be over. Nobody I know would put up with the shit he’s pulling if he was white.